Ok girls, I have a problem and I don't know what to do about it.
I am frequently catching myself feeling myself up these days. To see if I'm fat. In public.
My obsession with my weight is no longer staying under wraps (um, not that it ever did...) But now I am catching myself frequently squeezing and groping my waist, stomach, and love handles to see if I feel noticeably fatter, especially after I've eaten. But in public, which is not good.
I think this has been going on for some time now, but I have only recently become conscious of it. Like, just now at work I was doing it while at the printer when a co-worker asked me, "Cat, what are you doing?"
"Seeing if I'm fat."
"Oh, ok...."
(They are all scared of me here, I know it...)
I need to stop this, I fear it is becoming a bit OCD and out of my control.
I come from a family of proud belly rubbers. My neices are very proud of their bellies and rub them in public quite often, mostly out of pride. But they are 8, 5 and 2. I am 34. And my belly rubbing is not out of pride.
I fear I am one sick and twisted cookie. Where does one even begin searching the yellow pages for self-groping therapy and rehab? In New York, I am sure this is a valid medical condition covered by health insurance. But here in happy fish-n-chips eating London, where girls proudly display and show off their bare midrifs, usually hanging over their jeans, I might be stuck....
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4 comments:
OK the intervention starts now! Girls waht we have here is a Stage 4. STAGE 4! The last stage is you stading up announcing loudly that you'e feeling yourself up everytime you do it. Cat you're one stage away from the straightjacket my friend!
I have to agree with Kate on this one. For his part, Andy is disappointed that you aren't ACTUALLY feeling yourself up, only feeling your stomach.
Um, there are group therapy sessions for self-gropers, but darling, those are not the kind of session you want to attend. You're not pervy, just odd.
Okay, first of all I have to say that this is my very first blog reply ever (yikes!!). I wasn't even sure if I was signing up for an account correctly, but apparently it worked (?).
Anyway, Cat, I say this only out of love: Get a grip. Please. Do you know how much I would kill to have your body right now? If you are feeling this bad about yourself now, I highly recommend that you NEVER have children. If you want to see love handles and sagging, I'll show you my post-childbirth body next time I see you. It is a fraction of what I once was. If I let myself, I could easily get massively depressed over my entire closet of size 2's and 4's that I longer fit into post-Ian. I'm excited if I get into a size 6 these days. And let me say that, for me at least, no amount of reading or hearing from other women about how your body changes post-children prepared me for how my body changed. My boobs and stomach are like one big, flabby deflated balloon. Worse yet, the entire shape of your body changes forever, especially your hips. It's really bizarre/downright amazing how mother nature does its thing.
That said, except when I have my bad moments, I'm actually proud of myself that I've come to terms with my "new" body and I'm okay with it. As long as you are not obese and unhealthy, it's okay to not be a size 2, 4, or even a 6 or 8. No one will love you less because of it. We are all beautiful women!! (Don't you work on the Dove campaign???)
My only true regret these days is that like you, I never actually appreciated when I was a size 2 or size 4 and spent all my time then worrying about how "fat" I was. Paleese. I only wish I had appreciated how small I was because I will probably never be like that again. Of course, it might help if I ever got my butt back to the gym... (And I would have never guessed either that I'd EVER not exercise regularly, but parenthood is full of surprises! :-))
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